[NYTr] A Jehovah's Witless No More: One Woman's Story

Tue Sep 18 20:11:46 EDT 2007

Womens eNews - Sep 17, 2007
http://www.womensenews.org

After Time as Witness, She Leads Her Own Life

By Heather Strang - WeNews correspondent

(WOMENSENEWS)--Three men surrounded me as we sat in a small room in the
local Beaverton, Ore., Kingdom Hall. I had confessed my most recent
sin: making out with a boy, in his car. The elders--men ranging in age
from their mid-30s to 50s--wanted to know where the boy had touched me
and just how long he had touched me for. They wanted to know:

Did I also touch him? - Did I give him a hand job? - How did I feel
during the encounter?

They wanted details; personal, private details. Next, they asked me to
read scriptures out loud from the Bible that poignantly said that
Jehovah (their name for God) will destroy all fornicators in
Armageddon. This, of course, would include me. I cried through the
entire meeting and felt deeply ashamed.

I was sent from the room so the men could "deliberate" my fate. I faced
excommunication, or "disfellowshipping," that would ban all of my
friends and family from interacting with me. I was 24 at the time.

As I sat in my car waiting to hear their verdict, I realized that I
could no longer allow myself to endure this. I had put up with it for
too long; never measuring up, always needing to change and the endless
feeling that I would never be enough for both Jehovah and the religion.
I knew then that if I continued on in the Jehovah's Witness
organization my very being would cease to exist.

I was born and raised as a member, surrounded by family and friends who
deemed it perfectly normal to not celebrate holidays, view women as
inferior and disclose their deepest indiscretions to a panel of men
within the congregation. The Jehovah Witness organization was begun in
1879 by Charles Taze Russell. Its adherents believe that only they will
survive Armageddon, and it is their responsibility to "witness," or go
door to door to save others.

Immersed in Propaganda

The organization immerses members by inundating them with three weekly
meetings, volunteer work in the "ministry" on the weekends and endless
studying of Jehovah Witness literature. A harmful aspect for me
personally was the views surrounding women. We were adamantly referred
to as the "weaker" sex, while men were revered as next in line to
Christ.

The members firmly believe that men have a more direct connection to
Jehovah. For my family, this arrangement meant that even though my
stepfather sexually assaulted my mother and physically abused me, my
mother was not allowed to leave the marriage unless 1) he died or 2)
one of them committed adultery. Adulterers are disfellowshipped. Abuse
was not considered grounds for divorce because the Bible does not
mention it. Only recently has the organization begun to acknowledge
that physical or sexual abuse may warrant separation.

While I knew something wasn't right I had no one to turn to.

When I finally did begin to question their controlling, isolating and
extremist ways, I was almost always told to discuss my concerns with
the elders or pray harder so that I could more fully embrace the
teachings. I was too afraid to go directly to the elders so I usually
took my questions to other women in the congregation. Unfortunately,
they were just as disempowered as I was.

Women Not Worthy of Leadership

Elders control the congregation, from finances to discipline, to
confessions and judgment. Women are never allowed to serve as elders,
as members believe they are not worthy of this leadership position.
Instead, women are encouraged to focus on volunteer work, going door to
door in the hopes of recruiting new members.

When I asked why women were not allowed to give public talks or handle
congregation operations, I was told that it was "Jehovah's
arrangement." We were repeatedly told that Jehovah directly "shows the
light" to the governing body--the group of white men who run the
organization in Brooklyn, N.Y.--and they pass the information down.

Women cannot perform the simplest of duties, such as praying over the
congregation. If for some unknown reason a man is not present, a woman
must use a head covering to show her submission to Jehovah's
arrangement, then lead the group in prayer.

In addition, women were not considered righteous enough to volunteer at
the organization's headquarters until married. Single women had little
place in the overall structure of the organization and were viewed as a
distraction to the men at headquarters. I felt suffocated by the
knowledge that, without a penis, or a direct line to Jehovah, I would
never be good enough.

Silence Was Punishment

Ultimately, I found the strength to leave the church that almost erased
me. After the elders deliberated over my case, I was not
disfellowshipped but I was disciplined. I lost the privilege to comment
during our meetings, taken away for an undisclosed amount of time.

I knew I had to leave the organization so I moved to another city. I
doubted myself at first and even attended Jehovah Witness meetings at
my new location, but found the same sexist and abusive means of
control. When I stopped attending meetings, I received calls from the
local elders. I explained that I didn't feel the organization had the
"truth" as it claimed, and the elders immediately demanded to meet with
me. Some congregation members even began showing up at my place of
employment. I asked that they stop contacting me. I also let my family
know my decision. My mother promptly told me I would undoubtedly die at
Armageddon.

I have spent the last five years deprogramming myself. I've done this
largely on my own, slowly gaining my independence, making decisions
about the world around me, something I was isolated from as a Jehovah
Witness.

I've found solace in ex-member support groups and online communities
where I realized I was not alone and my questions about the
organization and its practices were not unique. Still, I've had to pay
a high price, just as the Jehovah Witnesses intend. Those who leave, or
worse yet, speak negatively of the organization, are banished. I lost
all of my friends from that time and family members.

My mother says we will never be close because of my decision to leave
the group. My grandparents shun me. My sister, once my best friend,
only calls when she's having doubts about the organization.

I do gain comfort knowing that I followed my truth, not someone else's.
I'm now able to fully embrace not only my equality with men, but a true
spiritual connection with God, who judges no one and does not reside in
any one religion.

Heather Strang now lives a life of her own making. She's a writer,
teacher and girl advocate, regularly teaching teen girls how to live
their most authentic life. Heather's written for a host of print and
online publications, including White Apricot, NW Meetings and Events,
Portland Tribune, Retail Design Diva and LivePDX.com. Heather lives in
Portland, Ore., with her fabulous boyfriend, short-haired tabby cat and
vision boards.

For more information:

Free Minds, Inc.--Promoting Awareness of the Watchtower: -
http://www.freeminds.org/

Christian Apologetics and Research Ministry: -
http://www.carm.org/witnesses.htm

Jehovah's Witnesses Exposed: - http://www.bible.ca/jw.htm